On Feeling Overwhelmed.

I’ve been a little busy, lately. I hate it when people say that because it feels like – who isn’t busy?

But please allow me a brief minute to have a mental breakdown.

Ross and I had a lovely working weekend this past weekend. My mom and sisters watched Aryn (because they are amazing) and let us disappear. We rented a hotel room down the street, bought as much junk food as we could carry, and locked ourselves away for two days. The lovely Hilary Miller came to join in, and it was great. Ross took a bite out of his dissertation and I cleaned some more edits. We checked out and I was feelin’ pretty good.

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But then something happened when I got home. I looked at the calendar and felt like I hadn’t done anything. So instead of sitting down and trying to tackle things one at a time, I engaged in the time-honored practice of sticking my fingers in my ears and saying I can’t hear you, stress lalalalalalalala

I’m getting two master’s degrees at two different universities at the same time – one in Malibu and one in Claremont. My husband is in the third year of his PhD program. He works at a VA and is trying to finish his dissertation. We a have a one year-old daughter who has just learned to crawl faster than the time it takes me to realize she’s halfway up the stairs.

In the next two weeks, I have a presentation, a paper, and half a screenplay due. I also have to have the final edits for my thesis due to my committee by November 1st… and if they’re not up to par, I don’t graduate in December as planned.

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Working out has kind of taken a back seat, which makes me grumpy. I’m constantly trying to be one of those “working out is my therapy” kind of people, but instead I’m like “are you going to finish those thirty Andes Mints please and thank you”.

This blog is usually about positivity and go-getterness and chasing dreams. But it never hurts to be realistic. And sitting here with my double screen open to my thesis materials while my beloved novel sits next to me, almost done but not quite… I’m frustrated. Frustrated that school is getting in the way of my dreams. It feels backwards and never-ending.

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It’s been a rough day. Things are looking up, though. I just bought the Lifetime movie adaptation of JK Rowling’s life for four bucks on iTunes so I think it’s time for some red wine and an ugly cry. I’ll try again tomorrow. Never thought I’d say this, but things actually look much better at 5am. As the verse says, His mercies are new every morning. At the rate I’m going, I’d better start early.

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