I’ve been pacing back and forth for the past five months, staring at the Next Chapter of my life as it sat behind plate glass. Or a chain-link fence. Or across the platform on a subway station. I felt like I would see it everywhere, but I couldn’t engage it. It wasn’t mine, yet.
Come on. I know you’re excited, too. JUST HAPPEN ALREADY.
But it wasn’t happening.
My manuscript made me tired. Every time Carrie (lovely agent lady) sent me notes on it, I would stare at my manuscript like
I thought I was done, but I knew it wasn’t quite there. It felt like a movie you finish and then think… that was almost awesome? But it was missing… something. And I don’t want to write stories that are almost.
The point was, I didn’t know how to fix it. I couldn’t make it work. Four ground-up rewrites later, it was still good, but with an undefinable limp. So, that sucked.
And the job inbox kept sending out cricket noises.
I was tired of days that felt like they are the same day, over and over again, the ones where I managed to finally look at myself around 4pm, identify the strange stains on my sweats, and think – “how can you be so tired when it feels like you did nothing?” I mean, I did. It takes effort to sing ‘Let It Go’ with gusto the BAJILLION times Aryn wants to scream “MO-OI” (her way of saying “more”), not to mention cooking/cleaning/writing/job hunting. But I wanted a change. I wanted the tires to finally catch the pavement and pull me forward.
It seemed impossible.
I’d kind of stopped looking for Next Chapter. Forgot the excitement that came with looking for it.
So then. Then, last week happened, and Next Chapter showed up like
I had a call with Carrie to discuss edits. I wasn’t sure what I expect, and I was nervous. I knew there was a problem. And then, all of a sudden I was telling her that I didn’t know if I could even write, anymore. My confidence was so shot.
And then she, being Carrie, was like
and then we talked for a long time. And I told her about the new idea I’ve been working on for the past couple of months. And we both realized, OMG. THIS IS IT.
And we planned and schemed and talked like
Almost two hours of wonderful planning and pep talk and I got off the phone like
…and I’m doing what I never thought I would/could do. I am setting Bloodburner aside for a little bit and working full-throttle on my new WIP (work in progress, for those still learning the weird writer lingo).
And this new WIP? Guys, it is so exciting. It’s practically writing itself, and by that I mean I’m not yanking my own hair out and having an existential crises every time I open Scrivener. Carrie is stoked about it. I’m stoked about it.
(I will post later about the absolute emotional wreckage of having to set aside the work that you’ve been focused on for two years, but this is a HAPPY POST, so I’m focusing on HAPPY THINGS and keeping the painfully necessary things to myself for now).
AND THEN. THEN.
Then Friday happened, when I had two phone interviews within three hours with an AWESOME COMPANY that must have liked me because they called later that evening (THE EVE OF MY GRADUATION, HOW PERFECT) to offer me
And not just any job. Nope. This job allows me to work with stories and ideas that I love with people who love them just as much. Also? One of the most amazing part?
I still get to write. This job doesn’t cut into my writing time at all. And there are so many more awesome things.
God told me to be patient, told me He had better things for me than I could’ve imagined, and now I’m realizing He was right (shocker).
So. Now I’m just looking around and trying to wrap my mind around the thought that Next Chapter is here. I’m not waiting anymore. I’ve smashed that plate glass. I’ve jumped the chain link fence and the subway platform like a frickin action hero. New Chapter and I are together at last.
And Ross and I are still working on the living situation and the babysitter situation (because I guess Aryn needs a babysitter? Pfft whatever). So lots of big, adult-y changes comin’ down the pike, but I’m going to take them on.
Here we go.